Learning to Live With a Roommate

Two students sit together beneath raised beds in a shared residence hall room.
Learning to live and get along with people you do not know very well can be one of the greatest challenges you will face while at Appalachian State University. Best friends often have the hardest time living together, simply because they haven't sat down to talk about some ground rules for the year. You and your roommate(s) may become best friends, or you may not. You will learn that each person is different, and what seems normal to you may be very foreign to your roommate(s). Your roommate(s) are not the only ones with pet peeves and strange habits; you will need to take a close look at yourself as well.

The most common cause of roommate conflicts stems from the little things that go unaddressed until they seem huge. Examples include, the clothes strewn around the room, the number of guests in the room, the lights being left on, or the window left open. Coupled with these types of issues is the need to incorporate and accept the diverse living traditions of the many students from diverse backgrounds right here on campus.

When you find yourself in conflict with your roommate, University Housing is here to help! You should always feel comfortable contacting your Resident Assistant (RA) for advice or to mediate a conversation with your roommate. If mediation with the RA is unsuccessful, you can contact your Residence Director (RD). Their information is available in the Residence Halls section of this website. We always recommend a mediated conversation before submitting a room change request.

Understanding the Conflict Resolution Process

The Purpose:

  • Provide structure that empowers and equips students to resolve conflicts on their own.
  • Provide guidance in how to best solve conflict.

Keep in Mind:

  • Roommate conflict is a normal part of college and is experienced by the majority of students.
  • Assume the best of your roommate(s).
  • Separate the problem from the person.
  • Address conflict when it arises.
  • Listening and asking questions is just as important as sharing your experience.

Remember:

  • You are your own biggest advocate.
  • Seek help when you need it; we are here to support you.
  • This can be a valuable learning experience for developing lifelong communication, negotiation, and conflict-resolution skills.

Step 1

  • Fill out a roommate agreement with your roommate and RA.
  • Have a discussion with your roommate about resolving the issue/conflict.

Step 2

  • If issues persist, after talking with your roommate, reach out to your RA to schedule a roommate mediation conversation.
  • During the conversation, develop a compromise plan to be implemented.

Step 3

  • If difficulties continue after implementing the plan for at least one week:
  • RA will connect the resident to the Building Supervisor.
  • The student and the Building Supervisor will discuss options for a potential room swap.

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